As a mom of an autistic daughter, who is nonverbal, we have heard it all! My husband and I have lots of feelings towards being labeled “autism parents” and most of them would most likely be labeled as unpopular.
Our daughter is ten years old, and we have been on this path of special needs for almost 8 years. While I can’t say it has all been easy, we have put in some hard work on our parenting, marriage, and the balancing act of it all! Buckle up for some of our most controversial opinions.
1. Our girl was NOT born with autism.
When we brought her home from the hospital up until she was about 15-18 months old, she was every bit of the happiest, healthiest baby you could imagine! She was social. She had words. She danced & enjoyed her people. By 18 months, she started to withdrawal and lost all of her words. No one can convince me of anything else. This was our experience, and our families can now look back and also see the regression.
2. I would take it all away if I could.
I know, I know! The popular thing to say would be that my kid is perfect exactly how she is! And to that, I would agree. However, if I had the chance to take all her struggles from her, I would! Her autism is NOT what makes her who she is! Our girl is determined and resilient and oh so stubborn. But these are all qualities that she would carry through life without autism. So, yes, if I could give her a simpler, easier life I would!
3. ABA therapy is NOT the devil!
Applied Behavior Analysis. It is not the worst-case scenario. We have some of the best people backing our daughter and most of them have been around since the very beginning. I honestly don’t know how we would have made it through some of the most difficult years without them. We are beyond grateful. Between potty training, debilitating behaviors, the year she wouldn’t get in the car because of an incident at school, and so many more…guess who was there? Her BCBAs & RBTs. When I couldn’t get her home from school because she refused to buckle into the car because she was so terrified, it took one phone call, and they were there. When she then wouldn’t leave the house, they came to us every single day.
Therapy has genuinely taught her the most basic of skills, but they were things her dad and I could not achieve without their help.
4. We are not special parents.
“God gives special parents to special kids.” No, Janice, He doesn’t. We are just doing the best we can! We all have options. There are so many horror stories on the news of special needs parents being horrible parents. We were dealt an unfortunate hand and we have chosen to do the absolute best for our kids. Our daughter and sons alike. We choose every day to be the parents they need. God didn’t give her to us because he thought we would do any better than the next. She was meant for us, and I believe that, but it has nothing to do with the parents we were going to be! We choose to do what’s best for her through all the hardest moments, but that doesn’t make us special!
5. All outings aren’t for us!
I know we all preach inclusion. I get it! I want all of my kids to be included and have lots of friends. However, some outings or events just aren’t made for us as a family. Birthday parties can be hard because there’s no self-control around the birthday kid’s cake. Your cookout by the water is a nightmare for parents with a kid that just wants to jump in. Your house full of breakables is the literal “China shop” to my bull-headed daughter. She will stim all over your house until she inevitably knocks something over.
So, if we show up to your party or a family event without the entire family in tow, just know that we are protecting your things and our sanity. If it’s easier to leave our daughter at home with the toddler and a parent, then we will. Because what’s the point in coming to an event and not getting to socialize because you and your spouse are chasing 2 separate kids in different directions?! 😉
Our views definitely aren’t for everyone but the best thing about life is we can all live it however we want. We are probably some of the most laid-back parents when we are at home, but out in the world, our kids don’t always know how to act. 😜
Beautiful and real!! I might be crying.